A Fan Sent Me Something

One of my pen pals, David Boston, liked my song “Hot Roast Beef” so much they set it to music. Chords are for the ukelele.

He did a video too. I’ll post that link when I get it.

Intro (Play through 1 verse)

[C] [F] [G]
[C] [G]
[C] [F] [G]
[C] [F][G][C]

[C] [F] [G]
I went downtown the other day
[C] [G]
To see my friends at Bill’s Cafe
[C] [F] [G]
But what I saw just brought me grief
[C] [F] [G] [C]
‘Cuz they’d run out of Hot Roast Beef

(Chorus)

[C]
Hot Roast Beef
[G]
Hot Roast Beef
[F] [G]
Bits of gristle in my teeth
[C] [G]
It’s a treat beyond belief
[C] [F] [G] [C]
when I can eat that Hot Roast Beef

[C] [F] [G]
Some Hot Roast Beef and white bread too
[C] [G]
and gravy thick as Elmer’s Glue
[C] [F] [G]
Mashed potatoes served up hot
[C] [F][G][C]
and scalding coffee in a pot

(Chorus)

[C] [F] [G]
Apple pie is for dessert
[C] [G]
There’s gravy stains all down your shirt
[C] [F] [G]
When the wife does wash, she’ll have a hunch
[C] [F] [G] [C]
Did you have Hot Roast Beef for lunch?

(Chorus) [C] [F] [G]

It’s Midwest soul food on a plate
[C] [G]
so hurry up and don’t be late
[C] [F] [G]
If you’re real hungry, here’s relief
[C] [F] [G] [C]
just eat a plate of Hot Roast Beef

(Chorus)

Outro

Repeat last line chords.

The Joy of Dumb Movies

My wife and I went to see the latest Jumanji movie the other night. It was not, by any means, a great work of cinema, but that’s rarely why we go to the movies anymore. If we want to watch something artsy, we’ll generally watch it at home. We reserve going to the movies for what is more widely known as popcorn fodder. Big budget science fiction epics, comedies, fantastical epics with lots of sound and fury are all much more enjoyable in the company of others, which is also a good reason to go see them at the theater instead of sitting in your living room in your jammies.

I am a fan of dumb movies, as long as they aren’t too dumb. For example, I have not been able to sit through any of the Jim Carrey oeu·vre , preferring to have a root canal without anesthetic before I would sit through Ace Ventura, Pet Detective or Dumb and Dumber. They may be extraordinarily funny, but I just can’t get past the stupidity.

Actually, when I say dumb movies, what I really mean are the movies that are so bad they are good. A lot of 50’s science fiction falls into this category. Much of it was made with a great deal of sincerity, but falls rather flat now that we’re living in the era it was intended to depict. What astounds me is the combination of archaic and futuristic technology. Flying millions of miles through space, but still using a slide rule to make the calculations necessary comes to mind.

The shortcomings of special effects and even sometimes just imagination often come to the fore. One movie I remember vividly (mostly because it gave me nightmares for a week), was “Mission Mars”. This was not “Mission to Mars”, this was a C grade movie starring Darrin McGavin and Nick Adams. Both of which were probably blackmailed into doing this film, it is so bad. The space suits were long johns topped off by motorcycle helmets with a hose sticking out the back.

The Alien Ship (Photo from thetelltalemind.com)

The special effects do not rise to the level of primitive, but rather comical. The whole thing was not camera ready, by any means, unless it was Polaroid. Much of the film consists of stock footage, run both forwards and backwards.

But at 6 years old, my tastes in cinema were not terribly discerning, and so was unable to notice that the alien spaceship was a styrofoam ball wrapped in aluminum foil, and that the monsters were most likely made out of modeling clay and pipe cleaners.

One interesting moment is when Nick Adams’ character pulls out a sandwich he’s smuggled on board. This may have been a reference to a real incident when astronaut John Young smuggled a corned beef sandwich aboard the Gemini 3 mission in 1965. It didn’t go well.

I still like dumb old B and C grade movies. The best part of it now is that there any number of places to find them either online or one of the streaming services. I better wrap this up. “Robot Monster” is coming on, and I have a fetish for gorillas in space helmets blowing soap bubbles.

Ouroboros

In Greek and Egyptian symbology, the ouraboros represents infinity. If you’re not familiar with the term, an ouraboros is typically depicted as a snake swallowing its own tale. I’ve come to the conclusion that it can best be represented by the tangle of wires under my desk.

I don’t know how they ended up that way. I didn’t do it. One day they were laying under there in neat little coils and almost immediately they ended up in a tangled mess, resembling nothing more than a Garter Snake mating ball. (I will leave that up to your imagination, as I know snakes make some people uneasy.)

I haven’t quite figured out the cause of this phenomenon. I’ve tried putting a camera up to observe the mating habits of the average electronics cable, but with little success. I suspect there may be something happening at the quantum level, maybe even some form of entanglement.

I do wonder if they are simply exchanging DNA or something and this would explain the sudden influx of coat hangers in my closets, but that’s just silly.

On Futile Efforts

I tried to teach Safety Dog to play dead the other day, and all I succeeded in doing was teaching him to look mildly uncomfortable. Safety Dog doesn’t believe in doing anything that might indicate that he pays attention to anything I ask him to do. When using the Executive Washroom, he is completely deaf until he’s gone through not only the previous two hours memos, but all the memos that might have been left for all of recorded history. Then he might decide to come in, even though I’ve been pleading with him for the past 5 minutes.

Teaching Safety Dog any kind of obedience is what I would describe as a Futile Effort. Futile Efforts are those where you know it’s not going to work, but you continue to try, regardless. Pressing the call button to get the elevator to get there more quickly, trying to persuade a Star Wars fan that “The Mandalorian” is anything other than perfection come to mind almost immediately. I’ve been guilty of both.

The former I would chalk up to human nature, but the later is sheer hubris. I watched the first episode and thought it was dull and made the mistake of saying so on a review comment section. You would have thought I had slept with their wives, or in many cases their mothers, since I’m pretty sure some of them weren’t old enough to have wives.

I was called everything from sad and bitter to insane. I would probably feel the same if someone claimed that Heinlein or Asimov were both unoriginal hacks, but then that’s something I have strong feelings about. In the end, I gave up getting anyone to accept that someone having different opinions than they did wasn’t an affront to their very existence.

Allowing people to have different opinions has become harder and harder as of late, probably because I’ve always believed that opinions should be based on actual facts rather than on strongly held beliefs. But unfortunately, we’ve all been convinced we are entitled to our truth. Unfortunately, one person’s truth isn’t required to match up to anybody else’s.